Episode 5 - Qs and As

Here is the written transcript for episode 5:

As promised, this episode is merely going to consist of me answering questions and responding to some of the more… colourful comments from the last few months.

First question is from pride_blunderbuss. They ask:

“Are all ghosts the same? Do they all attack on sight?”

Well, the simple answer to that is no, they’re not all the same. I don’t know why, but the last trip showed me that some ghosts are one hundred percent indifferent to people, while others like to fuck shit up. I saw some just staring off in the distance and, Hell, I couldn’t even tell if they knew I was there. I guess it depends on how they die. These ones I encountered were stuck in the house I was checking out. Why? I don’t know. All I know is that I’d be more inclined to cause some havoc or try to talk to anyone who might be in there. And then there was the ghost who lashed out and that I inevitably punchasized. This whole experience just shows me that there is still a lot of the behind-the-scenes shit that I need to learn to understand why ghosts do what they do. I realize that this is a shitty answer, so I’ll get back to you with a better one. I know a couple of people that I can talk to who can perhaps shed some light on this.

Next question.

FellowshipShads89 says “Are you for real? Sorry, but it sounds like you’re just making this stuff up as you go.”

So what’s that thing they say? That truth is stranger than fiction? Well, wish I was making up this shit as I go. I really do. I wish I could throw my arms up in the air and yell FOOLED YOU! And laugh at you guys for being so fucking gullible. I could use a laugh right about now.

Unfortunately, there is no ‘unsee’ button and this seems to be my life now. So, yes, I am for real.

changebanger12 asks “So I guess sparkling vampires aren’t a thing then?”

Fuck me I wish I didn’t Google sparkling vampires. Talk about no ‘unsee’ button. I feel like less of a man for simply for watching that. Thank god there are no sparkling vampires skipping to and fro. How fucking lame are those guys?


Now univers42 has come up with a very valid point. They ask:

“Aren’t you afraid that some of these things will come out try to find you because you are airing out all their dirty laundry all over the internet?”

Well, I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t concerned about doing these episodes. I have taken many measures and hours of work to hide my location and identities of myself and my colleagues. If they still manage to find out who I am and where I am located, fucking kudos to them. If they come after me, I am strangely comfortable with that. It means I don’t have to look for them. Win-win. Bring it on, bitches.

This one’s great. Made me laugh.

So, qu3stionable-stabs comes out strong and decides to take a ‘stab’ at me personally. Here is what they have to say in all of their anti-punctuation glory: “this guy is such a fake I bet he lives in his parents’ basement and probably has never even got into a fight before I bet I can totally kick his ass what a bitch.”

Wow. Just, wow. A little insecure are we, Stabs? Funny. I did a little digging and I found that you’re actually in my neck of the woods. Nice house you live in. Sorry, I should say nice house that you AND your parents live in. They drive, what, a white Ford Flex? Nice looking car. Did you get the note I left you in your mailbox yet? Just in case you didn’t, it said ‘Curb that internet tough-guy attitude of yours or you’ll piss off the wrong guy.’ Sheesh. Fucking kids these days.

I bet he probably lives in his parents’ basement.

On the flipside, angryardvaark sent me a quick message saying that my ‘Ghosts are shitheads’ episode helped them out. Here’s what they said:

“Thanks, Lexicon. Your information about ghosts not liking iron helped me out. My friends dragged me out to a cemetery that was supposed to be haunted. I had just listened to your podcast and thought to bring something just in case, so I found a crowbar. Thank god it was iron. Anyway, just wanted to thank you for the info. I don’t know what we would have done if you weren’t making these podcasts. You helped my friends and I out of a bad situation. We won’t be doing that again.”

Thanks, angryardvaark. I’m happy to help, indirectly at least. I’m also glad that you and your friends are okay. These kind of things can go sideways pretty fucking fast if you don’t know what you‘re doing. This is exactly the kind of situations that I’m trying to help people with. Could you do me a favour and tell me where exactly this cemetery is? May have to check it out. Send me a PM.

So that’s it for this episode. Keep those questions and comments coming. I’ll do another one of these soon.

If you guys are bored, or whatever, come up with some hilarious one-word insults in the comments. I just may use them in the titles of upcoming episodes.

You’ve been listening to “Ride Like Hell” by Big Sugar. Up next is another favorite of mine on my way through highschool. “Defy You” by the Offspring.

Thanks for listening to another ghost in the machine.

I am your ever informative Lexicon.

Episode 5 - Qs and As

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